Dreaming

I have written several articles about the transformational experience I had because of a car crash in 1988. I spoke with Angels, had a near death experience with all the bells and whistles and was offered an opportunity to remain on this planet as a healer. Like many people who’s lives are transformed because of a near death experience, I tried to avoid the new spiritual direction I was being guided towards. Even in the middle of talking to Angels I believed I knew what was right for me in my life. All this healing stuff was just a little too far out for me. I had been a kindergarten teacher before the crash. I had an identity and group of ideas about who I was and what I was about in my life. I was in control.

After the crash all my identifying labels fell away. I was no longer the person I had been. The only thing I knew about myself for sure was that I now was a patient. Maintaining my amateur status, but taking my being a patient seriously enough to have been able to qualify for some weird patient Olympics. I was still just learning to walk, Physical Therapy was a regular event in my life and I still had more surgeries ahead of me.

I felt I needed to connect back into my previous life and though I made an attempt to move back into my old life but it became clear teaching kindergarten was not going to work. I took a position working for the local congresswoman helping constituents who needed assistance with federal government agencies. I am very grateful for having that job. It occupied my time in a worthwhile way during a time of intense personal healing and growth.

I continued to have people seek me out for healings while I worked for the Congresswoman. I even arranged to use the back of a small downtown shop to see my first clients, and I was surprised that people actually came in to see me. Every thing was going well until one day when the congresswoman came in. “ I am going to downsize this office”, she said. “I am going to need one of you to quit by the end of the year”. I was very surprised to see my hand shoot up and I heard myself say, “I’m ready to go”. I had to break it to my husband Chuck that I had just quit my job. I had no idea what I was going to do. I did not know what had made me say I would quit. I worked until the end of the year and started the New Year off by sleeping a lot. I was scared. I had no idea what I was to do next. I felt as if I was falling and had no control over what was happening to me. I still was having a steady stream of clients coming to me, more than before even, but I felt out of control. I was used to living my life with both my hands firmly on the steering wheel and my foot on the break. What was happening to me was not normal. I felt weird and I didn’t have a normal job. I didn’t even know what to call myself, “What do you do again? Clairvoyant? Intuitive? Healer? What does that mean exactly?” The dreaded word psychic kept creeping into my explanation. So I slept, a lot. Somehow in this dream world that had begun to open for me, a picture began to form. A picture of who I was and what I was about. I dreamt I was in a gazebo surrounded by a field of flowers. There were people around me. They had come to see me and to have a cup of tea. They were there only to be with me and to experience this intense feeling of compassion. I was not being expected to be anything I was not. I just had to be available.

One day as I was walking in downtown Olympia I heard my teacher’s voice. “There is an office available for you in this building”, he said. “Go in now and ask about it”. I stood before the Security Building downtown. I had never been in the building before. As I walked in my fears rose up, “There probably isn’t a space for rent”, I said to myself. “It will be too much money”. During this intense mind chatter I heard my teacher say ”there is a space for you, just a small space, just big enough and it is just the right price.” Angels pushed and prodded me up stairs and to the building’s office manager. “No I am sorry, there is nothing available right now”, the woman behind the desk said. “Thanks anyway” I said and turned to leave. “Oh, wait a minute. I do have one opening coming up at the end of the month, but it is kind of small.”

She showed me into a small narrow room. The ceiling was very high with a tall window. “I’ll take it,” I said. Then I had to go home and break it to Chuck that not only had I quit my job but also now I had rented an office. I had taken my foot off the break petal. I had said “yes “ to whatever the adventure held, and I went for it.

Today I can talk about marketing strategies and the importance of an active database. I have years of experience promoting my successful private practice and classes. But when I started all I knew was to raise my hand and say, “I’m ready to go” and be continually willing to take my foot off the brake and to simply be what I am.

In your life right now there is a place where Spirit is asking you to take your foot off the break. You will know where you are breaking because it is the place of the most resistance in your life. There is not a trick to move toward this thing called faith; it is only in the doing of it that it becomes your way.
As the time to move into that first office approached I made a flyer that said “Clairvoyant Healings” and began to put them around town. I bought two chairs and an appointment book just in case someone called. They did.